William Struthers on the importance having a mentor and the problem of peer-to-peer accountability

The presence of an ongoing mentoring relationship with an older, wiser and more mature man has a significant impact on psychological well-being. A mentor is someone deliberately chosen whom you see as modeling a life that is on the path toward sanctification. A mentor serves not only as guide but as model of one who has become conformed to the image of Christ. Finding someone who has traveled on the same paths that you have helps a man deal with the challenges he is facing and helps anticipate those yet to come. Only those who know a man well can tell when he is lying, and only those who care for him deeply will call him out when he is.

Often men look for accountability with their peers, but a man needs a mentor to give him wisdom that his peers cannot. Peers may struggle with the same issues, be unaware of their own flaws, overestimate their knowledge of the problem or not have enough life experience to make sense of it all. Men who surround themselves with their peers and proudly refuse to accept the counsel of their elders fall into a locker room mentality. In the locker room mentality, peers go through the motions of accountability; they all know they are lying, but no one wants to call another out lest he be called out. This accountability has no substance, no bite, and is the sign of a shallow relationship. Many of these peer accountability relationships eventually dissolve.

William Struthers, Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain, 185

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About cteldridge

A beggar trying to tell other beggars were the Bread is.
This entry was posted in Christian life, Counseling, Pastoral ministry, Sanctification. Bookmark the permalink.

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